He want to be perfect, or somewhat close.
Score straight As, become the leader of our CCAs or be Mr. Popular. He put on a façade to show how strong or successful he is.
But really, tear down those masks and he is nothing but an insecure, imperfect person. He is concerned with how people see him; how people may form negative judgments of him; how people will criticize him. So he puts on a mask.
He tries to be perfect. Like everyone else, he craves acceptance He tries his best to be “presentable”. He is afraid of saying the wrong things; afraid of saying uninteresting or unintelligent things; afraid that he is not handsome, buff, tall, and cool…you get the point.
He then chooses to stay at home more, gradually losing his social skills as a result. Friends contact him less and less and he becomes more afraid of going out. It then becomes a vicious cycle. He chooses to be preoccupied with thinking what other people might be thinking.
He thinks of the ensuing awkwardness if he decides to meet anyone again, and shudder at that thought. Trapped again. He suppresses any form of perceived weakness like crying and would prefer a poker face. No, a guy must be ice cool, not cry and not be overly emotional. He is just trying to be perfect. His version of perfection. People then often misunderstand him as being aloof or unsympathetic. But he is simply misunderstood.
He is just chasing perfection.
He is afraid to fail because failing is a weakness. So he doesn’t try. He is more motivated by not failing than inspired to achieve his goal. When he does try – and fails – he gets defensive not because he denies the mistakes but because he cannot accept that he made one.
He feels embarrassed and withdraw more into his ever-smaller shell. He is just chasing perfection. In the journey of chasing perfection, he builds a wall around himself, thinking that he will reveal himself only when he is ready – perfect. However, there is no perfection.
It’s just an idea. Not even an entity.
He will never reveal himself.
What are we chasing? What have I been chasing?
I was a Chaser. Chaser of that elusive unattainable Perfection.
After all the rat race, all the struggles and all these chase, where has it gotten me?
I have a thought, maybe just maybe…
Maybe it’s okay to celebrate imperfection, to celebrate me for who I am. That’s who I want to be , me.
More than that,I am going to be vulnerable – to cry, to shed the cool exterior, to smile – without caring what the world may think of me. I am going to step out of my shell without the usual thoughts of “what might she think of me” or “would it be awkward?” I am going to embrace “me” again.
To be myself again.
Understand me, for I have only just reborn.
Z: Here’s this week’s guest writer done by a friend of mine, love it a lot. Reflects a lot about what I guess many of us has been through or is going through.
The art is by this dude here, if you like it ( you should, its awesome) check him out. http://aquasixio.deviantart.com/
Have a great weekend guys (: