The Chaser

pursuit_of_happiness_by_aquasixio-d5tx8jw

The Chaser

He want to be perfect, or somewhat close.

Score straight As, become the leader of our CCAs or be Mr. Popular. He put on a façade to show how strong or successful he is.

But really, tear down those masks and he is nothing but an insecure, imperfect person. He is concerned with how people see him; how people may form negative judgments of him; how people will criticize him. So he puts on a mask.

He tries to be perfect. Like everyone else, he craves acceptance He tries his best to be “presentable”. He is afraid of saying the wrong things; afraid of saying uninteresting or unintelligent things; afraid that he is not handsome, buff, tall, and cool…you get the point.

He then chooses to stay at home more, gradually losing his social skills as a result. Friends contact him less and less and he becomes more afraid of going out. It then becomes a vicious cycle. He chooses to be preoccupied with thinking what other people might be thinking.

He thinks of the ensuing awkwardness if he decides to meet anyone again, and shudder at that thought. Trapped again. He suppresses any form of perceived weakness like crying and would prefer a poker face. No, a guy must be ice cool, not cry and not be overly emotional. He is just trying to be perfect. His version of perfection. People then often misunderstand him as being aloof or unsympathetic. But he is simply misunderstood.

He is just chasing perfection.

He is afraid to fail because failing is a weakness. So he doesn’t try. He is more motivated by not failing than inspired to achieve his goal. When he does try – and fails – he gets defensive not because he denies the mistakes but because he cannot accept that he made one.

He feels embarrassed and withdraw more into his ever-smaller shell. He is just chasing perfection. In the journey of chasing perfection, he builds a wall around himself, thinking that he will reveal himself only when he is ready – perfect. However, there is no perfection.

It’s just an idea. Not even an entity.

He will never reveal himself.

What are we chasing? What have I been chasing?

I was a Chaser. Chaser of that elusive unattainable Perfection.

After all the rat race, all the struggles and all these chase, where has it gotten me?

I have a thought, maybe just maybe…

Maybe it’s okay to celebrate imperfection, to celebrate me for who I am. That’s who I want to be , me.

More than that,I am going to be vulnerable – to cry, to shed the cool exterior, to smile – without caring what the world may think of me. I am going to step out of my shell without the usual thoughts of “what might she think of me” or “would it be awkward?” I am going to embrace “me” again.

To be myself again.

Understand me, for I have only just reborn.

Anon

Z: Here’s this week’s guest writer done by a friend of mine, love it a lot. Reflects a lot about what I guess many of us has been through or is going through.

The art is by this dude here, if you like it ( you should, its awesome) check him out. http://aquasixio.deviantart.com/

Have a great weekend guys (:

Cheers

Z

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“The moments I knew I was falling for you.” To someone nine thousand miles away .

” Dear you

In the weeks before we came a “we”, when we were still circling each other and trying to figure out whether our feelings were mutual, I knew. We spent almost 24hours together each day, back when we were staying in hall- those moments when we cooked together, studied together, watched funny videos together, going for random walks together and experimenting new dishes together.

Despite the countless number of hours we spent with one another, our conversation never ended and you were always on my mind no matter how many hours I saw you each day.Silence was comfortable and I never got tired/bored of seeing you. On the contrary, I looked forward to meeting you more and more each day.That is when I thought, perhaps perhaps…

Those sweet actions, efforts and thoughts that could warm me up, keep me smiling all day long and move my heart, like no one else could. It was the very first time I know how it felt like to be loved: to have a boy rushing over with an umbrella the moment I texted him that it was raining; to have a boy crack my half-boiled eggs for me every morning; to have a boy walk me back home every single day even though

I know he is tired; to have a boy who wants to do everything for me- drying my hair, even though he doesn’t know how to; to have a boy who would specially wake up early to cook breakfast for me even though I know how much he loves to sleep; to have a boy who would Google & Youtube behind my back to learn how to massage, so that he could cure all my old-woman problems; to have a boy who will suddenly disappear and come back running with a cup of hot honey lemon tea when he knows that my nose would never stop running; to have a boy that pampers me so much with no carrying of groceries, no carrying of books, and even no washing of dishes even though I know how much he hates to do so; to have a boy who dislike drawing, to actually draw a cute encouragement note for me.

All these small little efforts and thoughts had built up that indescribable feeling that I experienced for the first time in my life. Up till now, whenever I think back, I still get that tingling feeling which words can never describe…

When I took the first step, not wanting to leave any regrets- the night you stayed over for the first time, having you by my side as I fell asleep, vaguely feeling the gentle kisses you left on my forehead and waking up with you deep asleep by my side, I knew. I knew I wanted to wake up next to you every morning, feeling the touch of your warm body in contact with mine, and wondering how lucky I am to have you in my life…

When you took my first kiss- a totally unexpected peck on my lips. Though only a brief and short moment, this blip in the casual composure made my heart skipped a beat or two…
I knew when I looked into your eyes and saw only my reflection in them; when you looked at me the way I’ve always wanted to be looked at…
And now, while writing this, I know. Even when you’re nine thousand miles away and I am constantly counting the sunsets until I see you again, I know. I know what it feels like to miss you like a phantom limb, to ache for the melody of your voice, to crave your touch like an addict. I know every time I round my lips around your name; every time I look at my hands, the spaces between my fingers right where yours fit perfectly; every time I shower and go to bed with this emptiness in my heart; every time my eyes tear and go soft, just looking at you and saying “I miss you”…

Now, because I finally understand what it means to fall in love.

Falling means trusting someone enough to hold on to you, wait for you and to fight for us.

Love ”

Anonymous

Z: This one came to me today as an unexpected surprise  and I really loved it. I think it’s beautifully written and I’d like to thank the writer for sharing it with me. She requested to be kept unknown so I’m sorry I can’t say anything else about this lovely couple. I do, however wish them all the best and stay strong. It won’t be easy but it’ll be worth it.

This is the first of my guest writers, I hope that you guys enjoy the read, I know I’m still having goosebumps from reading it. I do have a few others coming up, however I posted this one first cause she’s my first first female writer, sorry boys, ladies first. (:

To the rest who are still struggling with what to write, take your time, if you have found the words to say or still unsure of what you want to say, I think it’s a good chance to really understand yourself, how you feel and why you are feeling it. Like I always said, there’s no rush, the best part about this is there is no deadline to pen down your thoughts.

I look forward to reading what you guys have install for all of us and once again, thank you.

Hope everyone is enjoying their week end.

Me?

I’m kinda stuck in camp, just chilling. (:

Love you guys

Cheers

Z