Give me a bottle of shame and a glass of Moscato

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Have you ever felt that you weren’t good enough for somebody, or that you might never be good enough for anybody?

That once people see the other side of you, they would just leave, like the rest of them?

Have you ever felt that everything you do seem to go wrong?

Have you ever felt that maybe you weren’t as important as you thought you are, or worse, that maybe you were never important to them at all?

That maybe, they were just using you and now, you lost your value…

That you’ve been used, thrown and forgotten…

Hey.. guess what?

Me too…

So the past few weeks has been a wild ride for me.

People walked in and out of my life as though they were passing trains, I guess in many ways they are. Some just stay longer than others, some don’t. Eventually everyone leaves, that or you leave first.

I didn’t exactly have the worst time of my life, I met new people, meet up with old ones, caught up with a few people whom I haven for awhile. It felt really great.

But then it wasn’t the most pleasant time of my life either, I begin to realize more things about myself, things that I don’t like about me, things I want to change. There were days that were simply a pain to get through, days where I felt used, thrown and embarrass.

Days where I felt that I’ve embarrassed myself.

This kinda came as a surprise for me cause honestly I’ve done some pretty embarrassing things in the past 20 years of my life. I have a picture of me getting my nails polished on my sister’s Instagram, I can be one of the most retarded people in front of some of my closest friends, I’ve been called bird nest by my wonderful discipline mistress in front of the whole school. Awkward situations walk in on me like my life’s closest patron. I’ve had my skeleton full of closets sold in a flea market.

So when I say I’m embarassed, I guess its really bad.

So when shame hit, it wasn’t subtle at all. It felt like a full blown truck crushing me against a tidal wave.

So I did what every 20 year old legal male would do, I tried to drink it away.

Firstly, I just like to be clear on the fact that I’m not proud of it.

Secondly, I didn’t drink in clubs, it’s mostly with people I’m close to in secluded areas away from people with a nice view.

I don’t like noises, water and people. Just saying.

So in that silence, with an empty bottle and an open heart, I sat down with the people I love and we talked.

We talked about our problems, our frustrations, our fears and expectations, our love and insecurities.

You know what is one of the most comforting thing to have when you are at your lowest?

It’s not chocolate, or green tea ice cream,  or rose wine, or anything that you can find in the supermarket.

It’s friends, friends that don’t leave. Friends that never shun you out.

Because when you feel your weakest and that you feel as though you are the only one who ever screwed up so bad, the most assuring thing that you can get is a shoulder to lean on, a listening ear and people who shed tears for you when you can’t seem to cry yourself.

When you are at your weakest, you realize who are those that stand by you no matter what.

People who perhaps are just as messed up as you, just as empty as you, just as lonely.

And you know what, that’s okay.

Cause there’s no one else i rather share my problems with.

 

To everyone who has been having a bad day/ month/ year.

I know it’s dark now, but don’t ever walk alone.

Don’t shut yourself out to the people who cares about you cause if you do, they might never come back.

If you feel afraid, it’s fine, it’s okay to feel afraid.

But you gotta learn to stand up for yourself.

If  you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for everything.

If you got a dream, fight for it.

Don’t ever let anybody tell you you can’t do something.

Whatever you do, don’t give up, don’t dream alone.

 

Keep fighting guys.

Cheers

Z

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One step at a time, two steps closer

So its hasn’t even been two weeks since I started to blog about stuff and I’m closing in to a thousand views?

 

To all of you, big thanks. You’re awesome. Giant bear hug.

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Okay so today what I really want to talk about is where I decided to head to with the blog, so you guys can know what to expect.

Firstly with regards to the blog posts, I will not be doing as many as I did, rather I’m focusing less on how much I post and really trying to make each post the best that it can be. I have about 10 draft posts that part of me just wish to unleash into the world and get it over and done with but I feel that by doing so I’m not doing it nor does you guy justice. I’ll still be coming up with theories to try to make sense of what ever I’m going through, or the people around me are experiencing. I’ll also try to do some narrations and short stories; I’m not exactly with such writing styles so I will appreciate any feedback that you guys can provide.

Secondly I will be working more on the blog to really feel at home with it. So don’t be surprise if it looks a little different every now and then. Do check out the contents and the different pages which I will be putting up. I want this to a place where I can share my passion, so I’ll probably be adding more stuff like drawings, photographs that I took, music maybe? I would talk about the books or movies or series that I love, or the stories that I find inspiring. Basically like what I tell all my guest writers, I will write about the things I feel for. Every post will be part of me. If you like it please share, it would mean the world to me knowing that I inspired somebody, anybody.

Thirdly, this is really just an idea but I MIGHT be turning these stories to short films. Yes, I’m not sure when, I’m really starting from scratch and working alone and trust me it is HARD. But I’m targeting to produce the first short film by the end of the year. Keep your fingers crossed. I’m also working towards doing covers with some amazing people I know but as of now nothing has been set. We’re working on it.

So yeah , I love how this blog is going, I love the feedback I’m getting, even those who tell me they disapprove of my theories, it’s cool . We all have our own opinions, thanks for sharing.

If you like what you read do check out the rest of the blog, I’ve written some theories here and there, some things that are really part of me, hope you guys like it.

Share if you like what you  read (:

Cheers

Z

 

 

To share the silence when needed

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Silence is awkward, or at least it’s supposed to be.  It marks this inability to communicate with another person, whether his or yours, sometimes you don’t really know. Silence, more often than not, needs to be broken.

That’s why we have cheesy pick-up lines, social media and candy crush.
Once you made her laugh, it’s so much easier to get her number. Get her name and add her on Facebook! Everyone is doing that. Send her a life! She’ll be ever so grateful she’ll date you in no time.

Okay maybe I’m kidding about the pickup line part. Who uses real human interaction nowadays? I’ll just say hi through FB message. This way you’ll never feel that it’s too quiet. If she doesn’t reply it’s probably cause of lack of Wi-Fi, her battery died, or M1 satellite just got shot down by Obama or something…

It’s cool, nothing to do with you. You’re fine bro.

But really, what is it with us and all these social networks and communication devices when none of us are actually getting better at communicating?

I mean … why are we so afraid of silence? Is it so hard to admit that perhaps silence is what we really seek in a partner?

I mean … I really won’t mind having someone who makes me feel comfortable not talking.

Silence can be nice… There’s no need to say anything. You just feel like you’ve connected. You start out by breaking the silence, got the endless conversations started all to this one point and then one day, you realize you don’t have to say anything anymore.
She already knows.

Maybe instead of finding someone who we will never be quiet with, we should find someone who makes us feel that it’s alright to be quiet. Someone whom we can share the silence with.

After all…If you are looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with, it’s probably best to find someone who doesn’t talk that much. 😉

Cheers all

Z

“To me… From me…”

We all thought of it. Time travelling. I did.

Hell, who am I kidding?

I still do.

Every other day I’m hoping for the Doctor to drop by with his blue box, or to realize that actually I’m CDP ( chrono displaced personal) or I’m hoping for Emma Watson with her time turner.  Actually, I won’t be greedy, just Emma would be fine.

So yeah, who doesn’t want to time travel?

Today on my way home my mind wandered and I asked myself, “What if I could send letters through time?”

Indulge me for a moment, I know it can’t happen.

Still…If I could…

I would send a letter to myself 6 years back, telling him to talk to that girl sitting in front of him who he has been crushing on. She’s not going to eat you and really she’s very nice, just try to make friends with her.

Just talk to her already, you dumbass.

I would send a letter to myself 5 years back, to the day I failed my English essay. The day my teacher made me read it out in front of the whole class. I’d tell him, dude, please go work on your grammar. And then I’ll tell him to thank her for it, because if she hadn’t done it, I would have never wanted to prove to her that I can write. And I will never be who I am today.

I would probably send a letter to myself 4 years back, to the day my dad was in the hospital, and tell him that’s it’s going to be alright. You will get through this, I promise.

I would probably send a letter to myself 3 years back, to the day I went for my first practice, telling me/him that you are going to meet this girl who’s going to make you fall head over heels for her. Don’t be afraid of committing, love her with everything you got, just trust that it will turn out okay.

I would send a letter to myself 2 years ago, to that day where I broke down in front of my best friend and tell myself, its okay to cry. I know it hurts, it really does, but I promise you it will heal.

I would send a letter to myself a year ago, to the me who only began to chase his dreams, to pursuit his passion and tell him, don’t feel like a failure because you dared to be different. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you are one. Not even yourself.

I would send a letter to myself a month ago, to that day, and then tell myself, its okay, it’s time to let go. It didn’t work out but its okay, you know you never regretted a single moment of it. You gave everything you got. It’s nobody’s fault.

I would go back to last Friday, to the me that was buying that second bottle of wine and then tell him, “Don’t. Just don’t” and then slap him real hard on the face.

I would send a letter to me somewhere in the future, to the me who has become so lost in the working world, so caught up with life that he no longer sees the meaning and then tell him, “Dude, never let go of the things you love doing and never forget the people you love.  Those are the ONLY things that matter.”

I would send a letter to my future self when I finally found her, The One, and then tell him, “Never let her go.”

And finally, I would send a letter to me just before I leave this world, and remind him of the days of his youth and tell him, “It’s been a hell of a ride, old man, it’s time to go.”

I guess I don’t have that luxury, and yeah, it’s nice to indulge in the idea that we can make things a little easier for us. But if I have to be very honest with myself, really honest.

There’s not a single bit in time that I would change.

Have a great time all

Cheers
Z

We think too much and feel too little

We think too much and feel too little

We think too much and feel too little

We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical; our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost.

The Great Dictator.

One of the greatest, if not the greatest speech ever made.

Some classics never fail to inspire, no matter how many decades has passed. While others hard manage to leave an impression.

To be honest, I hate most modern sci-fi. ( Not all)

It’s tasteless, full of clichés and over used ideas, hot girls and big guns. Simply just to attract the mainstream audience.

Bullshit

Sci-fi is so much more. It is supposed to make you look forward and yet at the same time fear the future.

It is supposed to challenge our ethical standings on our moral code, open our eyes to the black, white and grey of science.

It is supposed to make us think about life, about our humanity and about our mortality.

It mocks our hubris as humans to think that we are gods, to think that because we understand science, we control the universe and that we are in control of our lives.

When the reality is quite the opposite, because most of the time we have absolutely no control over our lives, much less the universe.

That even after attaining the power to create artificial intelligence, poverty will never cease to exist if we are unable to create people who care about others, people with compassion.

That even after achieving time travel; we will never progress or reach the peak of our capacity if we never learn from our past mistakes.

That even after achieving telepathy technology, we will never be able to connect with another human’s soul unless we learn to show our own, to learn to empathize and trust and to understand.

That even if we create the perfect human beings, we will never be near perfect unless we learn to accept each other for our own imperfections and to accept ourselves for our weaknesses.

That even if we can increase the intellectual capacity, our minds will be no more wiser, no more smarter,  no less duller unless we learn to keep it open and accept the perspectives of others and put aside that pride of ours.

That in the future, it is not the technology that would change our lives but the people who use them.

That in this future, it is not the engineers who determine how it would be but the innovators, the dreamers and the artists to carve the inspirations of the future on pages and in the minds of people, to inspire them to turn fiction into reality.

So please, stop ruining sci fi for nerds like me. I’m getting cancer just by watching it.

If not, I’m sending my Xenomorphs to hunt you down where ever you are.

To everyone else,

Cheers

Z

If you indulge me, i’d like to change the world

 

This one is for all the fellow geeks and sci fi nerds (:

Really felt that he carried out the speech perfectly,absolutely flawless.

Btw, big fan of the Alien series.

So is this dude.

 

To those who came here looking for some inspiring quotes on life and love, sorry, today is nerdy Tuesday.

I’m just gonna be a total nerd and indulge myself in drawing sci fi stuff  and just chilling.

I am working on some stuff though, don’t worry (:

A few ideas in my mind, just that the inspiration to finish it isn’t here yet.

And for my guest writers, don’t feel the rush to write out stuff.

I’m not putting anything up till next week, just take a little time to work on it and think about it.

No rush guys, just chill.

Anyway, to those who are still hung over from over Monday blues,

Tuesday is here (: worst part of the week is over.

Keep going 😛

Have a great week ahead.

Z

 

The Invitation

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The invitation has been sent, you guys
know who you are.

Well basically I decided to invite a handful of people to write on my blog.

The idea is simple, every week or so I shall post an entry by a guest writer.

There’s no time limit, take as long as you like.

Word limit wise, I would recommend 500 to 1000 words, anything more than that usually bores people.

You don’t need to show who you are, you can have a pen name, an alias.

Take your time to find your inspiration, when you have an idea of what you want to write about let me know.

We can talk about it over coffee or online and then work towards perfecting it and finding you own voice.

I know what you guys are thinking.

Why did I ask you to write?

Why you?

Here’s the thing about you guys, all of you are from different walks of life.

I’ve asked gamers, geeks, artists, musicians, students… Etc etc.

Really, there’s nothing similar about all of you. You probably don’t even know who are the other writers or what to expect.

But you  guys  have something in common.

There is something you feel about, something that means something to you.

Whether it is things like the importance of trust, or the meaning or life, or what drives you to live, all of you have something that is truly inspiring.

Something different.

Something worth sharing.

And I would be more than honored to share your voice on my blog.

Alright, the invitation has been sent. Looking forward to your entries.

Find that voice in you.

(Ps: thumbs up to those who gets the doc who reference 😉 )

All the best.

Cheers

Z