The Chaser

pursuit_of_happiness_by_aquasixio-d5tx8jw

The Chaser

He want to be perfect, or somewhat close.

Score straight As, become the leader of our CCAs or be Mr. Popular. He put on a façade to show how strong or successful he is.

But really, tear down those masks and he is nothing but an insecure, imperfect person. He is concerned with how people see him; how people may form negative judgments of him; how people will criticize him. So he puts on a mask.

He tries to be perfect. Like everyone else, he craves acceptance He tries his best to be “presentable”. He is afraid of saying the wrong things; afraid of saying uninteresting or unintelligent things; afraid that he is not handsome, buff, tall, and cool…you get the point.

He then chooses to stay at home more, gradually losing his social skills as a result. Friends contact him less and less and he becomes more afraid of going out. It then becomes a vicious cycle. He chooses to be preoccupied with thinking what other people might be thinking.

He thinks of the ensuing awkwardness if he decides to meet anyone again, and shudder at that thought. Trapped again. He suppresses any form of perceived weakness like crying and would prefer a poker face. No, a guy must be ice cool, not cry and not be overly emotional. He is just trying to be perfect. His version of perfection. People then often misunderstand him as being aloof or unsympathetic. But he is simply misunderstood.

He is just chasing perfection.

He is afraid to fail because failing is a weakness. So he doesn’t try. He is more motivated by not failing than inspired to achieve his goal. When he does try – and fails – he gets defensive not because he denies the mistakes but because he cannot accept that he made one.

He feels embarrassed and withdraw more into his ever-smaller shell. He is just chasing perfection. In the journey of chasing perfection, he builds a wall around himself, thinking that he will reveal himself only when he is ready – perfect. However, there is no perfection.

It’s just an idea. Not even an entity.

He will never reveal himself.

What are we chasing? What have I been chasing?

I was a Chaser. Chaser of that elusive unattainable Perfection.

After all the rat race, all the struggles and all these chase, where has it gotten me?

I have a thought, maybe just maybe…

Maybe it’s okay to celebrate imperfection, to celebrate me for who I am. That’s who I want to be , me.

More than that,I am going to be vulnerable – to cry, to shed the cool exterior, to smile – without caring what the world may think of me. I am going to step out of my shell without the usual thoughts of “what might she think of me” or “would it be awkward?” I am going to embrace “me” again.

To be myself again.

Understand me, for I have only just reborn.

Anon

Z: Here’s this week’s guest writer done by a friend of mine, love it a lot. Reflects a lot about what I guess many of us has been through or is going through.

The art is by this dude here, if you like it ( you should, its awesome) check him out. http://aquasixio.deviantart.com/

Have a great weekend guys (:

Cheers

Z

5 Signs That Show Break-Up May Be What your Relationship Needs.

You are unhappy with your relationship, you feel like you are between the wall and a hard place and the Eminem song “love the way you lie” ft Rihanna clearly describes your relationship with your partner. Truth be told, you need to break. Hell, Eminem and Rihanna both have had their hands in terrible match ups (Eminem divorced his wife after spousal abuse and Rihanna finally broke up with Chris brown, the dude that beat her up) hence they know what they are talking about. Learn from them and move on! Here are my 5 signs that show you got to move on and breakup.

 

1.You have pointless, heated arguments more than have like minded peaceful settlements agreements.

Every couple has their arguments, but not every couple have them and always escalate to shouting, personal attacks on each other and ending in crying, silent treatments and you listening to sad songs while you stuff your face with ben and jerrys’. If you are having more arguments than agreements, you both definitely have extremely conflicting personalities and perspectives in life. You two will never be able to see eye to eye because you two will never understand and agree with the other’s view. Can you imagine what it will be like when you both get married? Unlike now, you can’t run away from the other, every fight you have will blow up the same way and be even worse than it is now because there is no longer the option of a “cooldown period” where you can bitch to your friends about how you mean your partner is. You will have to deal with your significant other whether you like it or not because you will have to eat, sleep and shit together. Literally. Don’t give yourself the bullshit that “arguments only make the relationship stronger.” They only do when they stop becoming an issue, but if you are arguing about the same thing day in and out and it constantly comes up as a defense to a fresh new argument, that is only a sign that there are cracks in the wall… and you should find and buy a new wall.

 

2.You have more bad things to say about your partner than good things when discussing your relationship with your peers.

Calling your significant other pet names like “sweetie”, “dear”, “honeybun” and other forms of endearment that would make everyone around puke rainbows and sunshine(and i emphasize the word PUKE) is normal. But I am very sure “dickhead”, “douchebag” and “MUTHAF**** are not words you would describe a person you like and are in love with. (unless “dickhead” is used to describe how big his **** is, but let’s face it, you will use other forms of subtle sexual quotations to describe that.) That goes with the nasty memories of him/her screwing up that comes with it too. If mean, if you are telling all the bad shit to your friends about what your bf or gf is doing, how different is it when you are describing that bitch that you can’t stand in your office/school/place you hang out often? If you find him/her worth keeping, you wouldn’t be harping on all their bullshit you can’t stand, you would be telling the world why you want to be with them!

 

3.You can no longer trust his/her word anymore.

You check their emails, twitter, facebook, handphone, tumblr, and even his/her fucking neopets account for hints that could lead to proof that he/she is cheating on you. You always double check on their word that they are not lying to you. First off, what you are doing, is creepy You are better than that. If your mom does it to you and you think she is being too much, so are you. Relationships are said to be built on trust, and you already don’t trust them. That means your foundations that your relationship is built upon is already weak… that should tell you how long your relationship will go.

 

4.Everyone around you are wondering why and asking you two to call it quits.

Ever seen those parodies where a girl is crying because her boyfriend was just caught cheating on her, but when

her friends tell her, to break up with him, she refuses because of an excuse she made up for him like, “No! Because even when he is cheating on me with another girl, he is still thinking about me.” Your relationship may be more similar to the parody than you think. If your close friends are constantly questioning your common sense as to why you are still up with him/her, you may still have love goggles on or still be incredibly infatuated with him. As a result, your judgement may be impeded and you may be heading straight for a brick wall.

 

5.You or your partner constantly resorts to emotionally blackmail you with threats of breakup.

This is one of the clear signs your relationship may be going no where. If you and/or your partner constantly put breakup on the table to win a case, that shows that you and/or your partner don’t treasure the relationship at all! You are willing to risk it as a bargaining chip to win! If your relationship is really the most important thing in your life as you say it is, then it is like betting ALL IN at the start of every game in poker! Anyone would think that is a stupid, dull witted move if you played poker unless you are willing to lose it all. If you are willing to lose it all, then it must not mean much to you as so claimed!

 
Now, these are only signs I have seen in friends’ messed up past and present relationships and things i have seen growing up in a dysfunction family where my parents do not get along. If you really don’t want to break up, then work on your relationship and stop having these signs present in your relationship. Remember, you got into a relationship in the first place to feel happy and have that storybook fairytale ending that we all, including me, crave.

Aaron

Z: had this post up a little while back, felt it was rather honest, funny and interesting.  Hope you guys enjoy the read. Hope it helps some people make that break.

(: Many thanks to this week’s guest writer Aaron.

BTW bro, if people start breaking up cause of this post, its on you. I didn’t do anything.

Have a great week end ahead guys.

Cheers

Z

 

But in ashes are gold.

 Dreams burn but in ashes are gold

It starts innocently enough, almost politely.

 

You meet her for the first time, you talk to her; you notice she’s really pretty. You can tell that at least one other guy has fallen for her at some point in time. Quickly, there’s a rapport between the two of you. The facebook invites go out, you both realise you have things in common. You talk, you chat, you text, you make fun of one another. Sooner or later you know enough about each other; you become friends. Good friends.

 

And then one day you realise you’re in love with her. You’re not sure how it happened but it did; you’re not sorry for that. You wonder how you’ve lived all this time without her; you can’t remember what you were doing before you met her. You want to spend all your days with her. You love to see her smile; you want to make her laugh. You pursue her; the weeks go by; months go by.

 

Eventually she becomes an obsession. She was pretty at first but now she’s the most beautiful thing in world; indispensably perfect. You’re possessive, suspicious; her lack of proximity to you drives you mad. You ask your friends for advice, you try to charm her; you try everything.

 

Then you become impatient. You text her more and more. You can’t stand it when she doesn’t reply; then you feel euphoric when she finally does. You try meeting her after school each and every day; you won’t leave till you see her. Eventually, she knows. Maybe you told her, maybe she realised. But you’re out of luck, she doesn’t feel the same. She just wants to be friends; you just don’t want to know it yet. You persist. She becomes evasive. You become paranoid, you stop feeling joy. You start to become jealous; she starts to become distant.

 

Your friends tell you to find other fish but you’re all set on this one. You’re convinced that you love her. You wish you were richer, smarter, more athletic, more charming, funnier – all so she’d notice you. You try to fix yourself; you suck at this. You buy her gifts; you write her notes. Nothing happens for you, or for her.

 

Then you become angry. You believe that you need her; without her you’d die. In fact you’re sure you’d die for her. You hate her as much as you love her. And then you love her more. You persist, you call, you text, you obsess. It doesn’t work; you’ve failed. You hate yourself because you think you’re inadequate. You hate yourself because you think she was a mistake.

 

Then the breakdowns happen; your soul runs on empty. You cry. You can’t move on; you want another chance. You feel like you’re burning, on the inside and out. Everything loses its savour. You stop living. This goes on forever. You can’t stand the sight of her; you can’t stop gazing at photos of her. You want her to text you; you’ve stopped checking your phone. You’re praying for a miracle; you’ve given up. This goes on for an eternity.

 

And then one day, one fine day that you couldn’t for the life of you remember, you wake up with a hangover from eternity. You feel terrible but you seem to be okay. You don’t feel alive but you’re not dead either. You’ve forgotten your obsession but you still remember why you were obsessed. You don’t want to pick up the pieces but you find them crudely glued together. You’re not convinced but you’re doing alright.


– Jay

From Z: Many thanks to Jay for writing this, really loved it. I know I didn’t post anything this week, been kind of busy going out, reading Mortal instruments ( Just finish book 2 this morning) and stuff. (: Among other stuff…

HOWEVER! I am working on some things… I hope i can put them up ASAP, but not at the expense of the quality of work. I have also been drawing some things, preparing my portfolio for my Uni application, so hopefully I can have somethings that are presentable on this blog to share with you guys. This week was like a break for me from writing, do stay tune. More stuff coming up soon.

Adios (:

Z

“The moments I knew I was falling for you.” To someone nine thousand miles away .

” Dear you

In the weeks before we came a “we”, when we were still circling each other and trying to figure out whether our feelings were mutual, I knew. We spent almost 24hours together each day, back when we were staying in hall- those moments when we cooked together, studied together, watched funny videos together, going for random walks together and experimenting new dishes together.

Despite the countless number of hours we spent with one another, our conversation never ended and you were always on my mind no matter how many hours I saw you each day.Silence was comfortable and I never got tired/bored of seeing you. On the contrary, I looked forward to meeting you more and more each day.That is when I thought, perhaps perhaps…

Those sweet actions, efforts and thoughts that could warm me up, keep me smiling all day long and move my heart, like no one else could. It was the very first time I know how it felt like to be loved: to have a boy rushing over with an umbrella the moment I texted him that it was raining; to have a boy crack my half-boiled eggs for me every morning; to have a boy walk me back home every single day even though

I know he is tired; to have a boy who wants to do everything for me- drying my hair, even though he doesn’t know how to; to have a boy who would specially wake up early to cook breakfast for me even though I know how much he loves to sleep; to have a boy who would Google & Youtube behind my back to learn how to massage, so that he could cure all my old-woman problems; to have a boy who will suddenly disappear and come back running with a cup of hot honey lemon tea when he knows that my nose would never stop running; to have a boy that pampers me so much with no carrying of groceries, no carrying of books, and even no washing of dishes even though I know how much he hates to do so; to have a boy who dislike drawing, to actually draw a cute encouragement note for me.

All these small little efforts and thoughts had built up that indescribable feeling that I experienced for the first time in my life. Up till now, whenever I think back, I still get that tingling feeling which words can never describe…

When I took the first step, not wanting to leave any regrets- the night you stayed over for the first time, having you by my side as I fell asleep, vaguely feeling the gentle kisses you left on my forehead and waking up with you deep asleep by my side, I knew. I knew I wanted to wake up next to you every morning, feeling the touch of your warm body in contact with mine, and wondering how lucky I am to have you in my life…

When you took my first kiss- a totally unexpected peck on my lips. Though only a brief and short moment, this blip in the casual composure made my heart skipped a beat or two…
I knew when I looked into your eyes and saw only my reflection in them; when you looked at me the way I’ve always wanted to be looked at…
And now, while writing this, I know. Even when you’re nine thousand miles away and I am constantly counting the sunsets until I see you again, I know. I know what it feels like to miss you like a phantom limb, to ache for the melody of your voice, to crave your touch like an addict. I know every time I round my lips around your name; every time I look at my hands, the spaces between my fingers right where yours fit perfectly; every time I shower and go to bed with this emptiness in my heart; every time my eyes tear and go soft, just looking at you and saying “I miss you”…

Now, because I finally understand what it means to fall in love.

Falling means trusting someone enough to hold on to you, wait for you and to fight for us.

Love ”

Anonymous

Z: This one came to me today as an unexpected surprise  and I really loved it. I think it’s beautifully written and I’d like to thank the writer for sharing it with me. She requested to be kept unknown so I’m sorry I can’t say anything else about this lovely couple. I do, however wish them all the best and stay strong. It won’t be easy but it’ll be worth it.

This is the first of my guest writers, I hope that you guys enjoy the read, I know I’m still having goosebumps from reading it. I do have a few others coming up, however I posted this one first cause she’s my first first female writer, sorry boys, ladies first. (:

To the rest who are still struggling with what to write, take your time, if you have found the words to say or still unsure of what you want to say, I think it’s a good chance to really understand yourself, how you feel and why you are feeling it. Like I always said, there’s no rush, the best part about this is there is no deadline to pen down your thoughts.

I look forward to reading what you guys have install for all of us and once again, thank you.

Hope everyone is enjoying their week end.

Me?

I’m kinda stuck in camp, just chilling. (:

Love you guys

Cheers

Z

Our stories

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Alright firstly big thanks to all those who accepted my invitation. Can’t wait to hear from you soon.

I’m not really in the writing mood today, honestly I have a thing or two bugging me, but I do want to share a quote by Brene Brown.

Amazing speaker, to those who have never seen her ted talks please take sometime to listen to it, she’s funny, she’s wise and she will make you think.

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_listening_to_shame.html

http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

Go check her out, she’s awesome.

I also want to dedicate the quote about to all the guest writers, it’s not easy to share a part of you, I know .

It’s gonna leave you vulnerable.

But let me just quote Brene brown again.

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Don’t write about the side of you that you are comfortable with. If you are still looking for inspiration, I suggest find it in the place that leaves you the most vulnerable. From there you can find the courage to share the story of who you really are, what you really love and inspire others to be who you want to be.

Alright that’s all for now, need to clear the mess in my head

Z

The Invitation

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The invitation has been sent, you guys
know who you are.

Well basically I decided to invite a handful of people to write on my blog.

The idea is simple, every week or so I shall post an entry by a guest writer.

There’s no time limit, take as long as you like.

Word limit wise, I would recommend 500 to 1000 words, anything more than that usually bores people.

You don’t need to show who you are, you can have a pen name, an alias.

Take your time to find your inspiration, when you have an idea of what you want to write about let me know.

We can talk about it over coffee or online and then work towards perfecting it and finding you own voice.

I know what you guys are thinking.

Why did I ask you to write?

Why you?

Here’s the thing about you guys, all of you are from different walks of life.

I’ve asked gamers, geeks, artists, musicians, students… Etc etc.

Really, there’s nothing similar about all of you. You probably don’t even know who are the other writers or what to expect.

But you  guys  have something in common.

There is something you feel about, something that means something to you.

Whether it is things like the importance of trust, or the meaning or life, or what drives you to live, all of you have something that is truly inspiring.

Something different.

Something worth sharing.

And I would be more than honored to share your voice on my blog.

Alright, the invitation has been sent. Looking forward to your entries.

Find that voice in you.

(Ps: thumbs up to those who gets the doc who reference 😉 )

All the best.

Cheers

Z