“The moments I knew I was falling for you.” To someone nine thousand miles away .

” Dear you

In the weeks before we came a “we”, when we were still circling each other and trying to figure out whether our feelings were mutual, I knew. We spent almost 24hours together each day, back when we were staying in hall- those moments when we cooked together, studied together, watched funny videos together, going for random walks together and experimenting new dishes together.

Despite the countless number of hours we spent with one another, our conversation never ended and you were always on my mind no matter how many hours I saw you each day.Silence was comfortable and I never got tired/bored of seeing you. On the contrary, I looked forward to meeting you more and more each day.That is when I thought, perhaps perhaps…

Those sweet actions, efforts and thoughts that could warm me up, keep me smiling all day long and move my heart, like no one else could. It was the very first time I know how it felt like to be loved: to have a boy rushing over with an umbrella the moment I texted him that it was raining; to have a boy crack my half-boiled eggs for me every morning; to have a boy walk me back home every single day even though

I know he is tired; to have a boy who wants to do everything for me- drying my hair, even though he doesn’t know how to; to have a boy who would specially wake up early to cook breakfast for me even though I know how much he loves to sleep; to have a boy who would Google & Youtube behind my back to learn how to massage, so that he could cure all my old-woman problems; to have a boy who will suddenly disappear and come back running with a cup of hot honey lemon tea when he knows that my nose would never stop running; to have a boy that pampers me so much with no carrying of groceries, no carrying of books, and even no washing of dishes even though I know how much he hates to do so; to have a boy who dislike drawing, to actually draw a cute encouragement note for me.

All these small little efforts and thoughts had built up that indescribable feeling that I experienced for the first time in my life. Up till now, whenever I think back, I still get that tingling feeling which words can never describe…

When I took the first step, not wanting to leave any regrets- the night you stayed over for the first time, having you by my side as I fell asleep, vaguely feeling the gentle kisses you left on my forehead and waking up with you deep asleep by my side, I knew. I knew I wanted to wake up next to you every morning, feeling the touch of your warm body in contact with mine, and wondering how lucky I am to have you in my life…

When you took my first kiss- a totally unexpected peck on my lips. Though only a brief and short moment, this blip in the casual composure made my heart skipped a beat or two…
I knew when I looked into your eyes and saw only my reflection in them; when you looked at me the way I’ve always wanted to be looked at…
And now, while writing this, I know. Even when you’re nine thousand miles away and I am constantly counting the sunsets until I see you again, I know. I know what it feels like to miss you like a phantom limb, to ache for the melody of your voice, to crave your touch like an addict. I know every time I round my lips around your name; every time I look at my hands, the spaces between my fingers right where yours fit perfectly; every time I shower and go to bed with this emptiness in my heart; every time my eyes tear and go soft, just looking at you and saying “I miss you”…

Now, because I finally understand what it means to fall in love.

Falling means trusting someone enough to hold on to you, wait for you and to fight for us.

Love ”

Anonymous

Z: This one came to me today as an unexpected surprise  and I really loved it. I think it’s beautifully written and I’d like to thank the writer for sharing it with me. She requested to be kept unknown so I’m sorry I can’t say anything else about this lovely couple. I do, however wish them all the best and stay strong. It won’t be easy but it’ll be worth it.

This is the first of my guest writers, I hope that you guys enjoy the read, I know I’m still having goosebumps from reading it. I do have a few others coming up, however I posted this one first cause she’s my first first female writer, sorry boys, ladies first. (:

To the rest who are still struggling with what to write, take your time, if you have found the words to say or still unsure of what you want to say, I think it’s a good chance to really understand yourself, how you feel and why you are feeling it. Like I always said, there’s no rush, the best part about this is there is no deadline to pen down your thoughts.

I look forward to reading what you guys have install for all of us and once again, thank you.

Hope everyone is enjoying their week end.

Me?

I’m kinda stuck in camp, just chilling. (:

Love you guys

Cheers

Z

The Scientist

“Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart”
Why do I theorize every emotion? Maybe I just don’t know how I’m feeling right now. Then again that’s just my theory.

Watch “I Forgot My Phone” on YouTube

Just wanted to give you guys something to think about before we hit the weekends.
Okay so this 2 min video hit like 14 m views from the last time I checked, pretty viral and for good reason.

Its subtle and yet loud. It makes you think about how our habits with technology is changing our habits with the people we interact with.

Put away that phone when you spend time with the people you care about.

Have a great weekend ahead.

Z

Was it fate or was it luck?

Something light hearted before we start the week end (:

Ray's Daily

Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart.

Marcus Aurelius

fate-and-destiny

Here we are on the threshold of autumn after an eventful and rapidly moving summer. For some reason I took a little time to reflect back and remembered the Daily I wrote nine years ago that helped me to appreciate the cards that were dealt to me by fate. I have been truly fortunate.

 

Here is a reprint of my August 30, 2004 Daily.

If my mother had not been a single parent I would not have been sent to a boarding school when I was 11 where we were allowed to go home once a year during the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day.

If I had not been at boarding school before I returned home for high school I…

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Rest. Why sometimes we just need to be alone

 

Yesterday I took a day of from writing.
Instead I took the day off deciding on what I want to do with my life.
I thought about what are the things I screwed up recently.
I thought about my dreams and my goals.
And at the end of the day, I have this come to this conclusion.

I have no freaking idea what to do.

Sounds pretty pathetic but really, sometimes in life we just have no idea where we are going, so we take a rest.

In music , there is a sign which tells us to pause or to stop playing. Ask any musician and they will tell you the rest note is just as important as every other note in the score sheet.

Ask the DJ and he’d tell you that pause before dropping the bass is what makes the crowd go wild .

Ask the dude playing the triangle in an ensemble and he’d tell you that’s the only thing he sees, besides the occasionally one to two ‘ tings’. Poor guy.

Point is.. sometimes in life we need to just stop playing every single note we can. Taken , yes , we need chords, harmonies and melodies to make our lives meaningful, we need them to create the emotions in our lives, to make us sway with the symphony of life, but really, sometimes what we really need is a simple rest. That one second of silence brings back all the emotions to this one point of reflection and acceptance of the song. And then the song keeps going.

Just because you took a break from life doesn’t mean your quitting, in fact your coming back better and stronger than ever.

And sometimes that rest just means you need to be alone for a moment.

So the harmony will keep playing, or the bass becomes the melody and the music shifts it focus from you to something else and you know what?

That’s okay,  you need this silence.

Guess what, I’d never have known all these if I hadn’t pissed of somebody important to me by not leaving her alone, ( among some other stupid stuff that I did which I am not proud of and shall not reveal to the internet. )

And then because of that, it kinda just forced me to take a moment to dwell in the silence, and in that silence I found a clearer view of who I really am. I realized what is it I really need.

Some time to be alone.

So for those’s who’s melodies are getting too messed up for you, who feels that you can longer play the music any more.

Take a rest.

Sit back, relax and just enjoy the silence.

It’ll be alright, everything will turn out just fine, I promise.

Keep going all, TGIF (:

Cheers

Z

You Should Fall For Someone Who Doesn’t Love You

(: awesome

Thought Catalog

It occurred to me the other day that there might be people in this world who have never known unrequited love, have never fallen for someone who didn’t fall too.

I know it’s rarer than a solar eclipse, but it seems likely that some have managed it; people who married their high school sweetheart, who got it right on the first try, who were seemingly born with enough innate confidence to walk right up to the object of their affection and say, “I think you’re great, would you like to go on a date sometime” and whose confidence was rewarded with a resolute, “Absolutely, I’d love to” and a Happily Ever After. The rest of us would be inclined to murder a couple like this if we ever came across them, but I maintain that they are the ones who are missing out. Everyone should fall for someone who doesn’t…

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“To me… From me…”

We all thought of it. Time travelling. I did.

Hell, who am I kidding?

I still do.

Every other day I’m hoping for the Doctor to drop by with his blue box, or to realize that actually I’m CDP ( chrono displaced personal) or I’m hoping for Emma Watson with her time turner.  Actually, I won’t be greedy, just Emma would be fine.

So yeah, who doesn’t want to time travel?

Today on my way home my mind wandered and I asked myself, “What if I could send letters through time?”

Indulge me for a moment, I know it can’t happen.

Still…If I could…

I would send a letter to myself 6 years back, telling him to talk to that girl sitting in front of him who he has been crushing on. She’s not going to eat you and really she’s very nice, just try to make friends with her.

Just talk to her already, you dumbass.

I would send a letter to myself 5 years back, to the day I failed my English essay. The day my teacher made me read it out in front of the whole class. I’d tell him, dude, please go work on your grammar. And then I’ll tell him to thank her for it, because if she hadn’t done it, I would have never wanted to prove to her that I can write. And I will never be who I am today.

I would probably send a letter to myself 4 years back, to the day my dad was in the hospital, and tell him that’s it’s going to be alright. You will get through this, I promise.

I would probably send a letter to myself 3 years back, to the day I went for my first practice, telling me/him that you are going to meet this girl who’s going to make you fall head over heels for her. Don’t be afraid of committing, love her with everything you got, just trust that it will turn out okay.

I would send a letter to myself 2 years ago, to that day where I broke down in front of my best friend and tell myself, its okay to cry. I know it hurts, it really does, but I promise you it will heal.

I would send a letter to myself a year ago, to the me who only began to chase his dreams, to pursuit his passion and tell him, don’t feel like a failure because you dared to be different. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you are one. Not even yourself.

I would send a letter to myself a month ago, to that day, and then tell myself, its okay, it’s time to let go. It didn’t work out but its okay, you know you never regretted a single moment of it. You gave everything you got. It’s nobody’s fault.

I would go back to last Friday, to the me that was buying that second bottle of wine and then tell him, “Don’t. Just don’t” and then slap him real hard on the face.

I would send a letter to me somewhere in the future, to the me who has become so lost in the working world, so caught up with life that he no longer sees the meaning and then tell him, “Dude, never let go of the things you love doing and never forget the people you love.  Those are the ONLY things that matter.”

I would send a letter to my future self when I finally found her, The One, and then tell him, “Never let her go.”

And finally, I would send a letter to me just before I leave this world, and remind him of the days of his youth and tell him, “It’s been a hell of a ride, old man, it’s time to go.”

I guess I don’t have that luxury, and yeah, it’s nice to indulge in the idea that we can make things a little easier for us. But if I have to be very honest with myself, really honest.

There’s not a single bit in time that I would change.

Have a great time all

Cheers
Z